Confident Parents, Confident Kids: Raising Emotional Intelligence in Ourselves and Our Kids--from Toddlers to Teenagers

This is a book for FATHERS! And mothers, after you’ve read it pass it on to your spouse as “required reading.” If we were parenting according to the insights and practices it recommends, the world would be a much kinder, gentler, loving and peaceful place. As a man, I hadn’t understood or appreciated the significance and dynamics of feeling transfer, how the attitudes and moods that my wife and I brought home were triggering similar emotions in our daughter. And how, being aware of this, we could change the atmosphere and lower the level of aggravation. I grew up in a household my father characterized as “constant wrangling.” If my mom had had this book, I am certain that would not have been the case. In the chapter on infants to three-year-olds I learned about body language and how crying is a natural and necessary form communication, always about something specific. I learned how to ascertain what it is, and especially how to calm a crying infant by holding him or her close to the chest to enable heart-to-heart, nonverbal communication of love and safety. Largely, this book is about effective communication—how to talk to a child in ways that respect their freedom of choice, how children can talk to their parents, siblings, teachers and peers in ways that defuse anger and aggression, how communication builds trust and confidence, how planning ahead of what to say or do reduces stress and anxiety, and of monumental importance, how children model their parent’s communication style, vocabulary and attitudes. The chapter on teens was the most concise and spot-on description of the challenges, anxieties and conflicts of those years—and how parent-adolescent communication can build confidence. The author has skillfully balanced science and practicality, often employing anecdotes to illustrate the subject matter before presenting welcome tips and things parents can do or try. And at the end, there’s a list of parenting resources, a bibliography and an index. The book is a quick and enjoyable read, a beautifully illustrated introduction to the theory, tools and application of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). In addition to being an everyday resource for creating a happier, healthier more peaceful family life, it belongs on the shelf as a reference as children grow through the various “ages and stages.” Irrespective of culture, if I could buy the world one book on parenting, this would be it.

I'm a father of two. A eight year old son and six year old daughter. Too often I find myself losing patience with my little ones and knew there had to be a better way than what I was doing. Well that brought me to this book. I loved this. I'm not one for parenting books but this one was fact based, and actionable. I took pages of notes, and am already applying this to our little household. This is a wonderful book.

If you're thinking, I need a book to learn how to discipline my kids, this is the book to read instead. This book will help you make the shift from viewing parenting as an attempt to control to viewing parenting as an attempt to guide and coach. Not that I've made that shift perfectly, but even an attempt at the shift changes everything for the better. The opening chapters are great introductions into emotional self-regulation and how it starts with the parent and then moves to the child. It's really an introduction to the role of emotions in our behaviors and how we can attune to those emotions as a first step in managing them. Though she doesn't discuss attachment theory, it's clearly an underpinning of her message. And if you want to dig deeper into the topic, read this first, and them move over to books and work by Marc Brackett (Permission to Feel). The book also talks about recognizing and accepting your child's temperament so you can better gauge and help your child regulate their own emotions. Accepting who your kid is rather than trying to "break your kid." Really essential messages. The bulk of the rest of the book though is "age and stage" discussion. So you're really just getting an article's worth of information about what emotional development and regulation looks like at different ages of your child. In other words, it likely won't be enough to work from. So think of this as an introduction and a good start. But you're likely to look to other sources for additional support within an age and stage. Throughout, the author uses a musical instrument analogy. I know that teaching with analogies is supposed to make it more memorable and effective, but honestly, I just found the analogy cutesy and distracting. "Learn to play your instrument. Learn to tune your instrument. Join a jam band." Ergh. I need parent help fast. Get to the practical stuff. That's there, so you might like the analogy or "tune it out" (haha, pun intended). Great introduction to the role of emotions and their centrality in managing behavior at home and in the world.

Miller's beautifully crafted book is a must read. The book is not only content rich, but has an artistically and user-friendly display. I've truly enjoyed reading the developmental stages and gotten helpful suggestions in the "Tips for Conductors" section for each stage. Miller's style is knowledgeable, yet affirming and gentle for parents to be kind to themselves through this parenting journey. Jennifer Miller, thank you for sharing your knowledge with the world!

I appreciate the useful tips (geared for the various age groups) AND the attention to parental emotional challenges.Jenn acknowledges her own challenges as she helps parents understand the importance of their family histories. Compassionate and helpful!

This book has so much great information for every stage of a child's life. Relating feelings to music, Jennifer beautifully writes on how to become a more confident parent.