Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

Your book made a big impact on me, especially Chapter 5 (Making the other person feel felt) where you say “if your relationship is going nowhere, making the person feel felt is your best bet for achieving a breakthrough. Plus Chapter 23 (The power thank you and power apology) and the note your daughter wrote you that reminds you always that You Really Matter. Wow…so important!!!!Thank you very much for this book and i hope with your words of wisdom I can bridge a rift I have with a very important person in my life.Last but not least this book inspired me to listen to your podcasts. I hope you stay as healthy as possible and keep enlightening us on whats most important in life…our relationships! Paula Adelman

As the title indicates this book is about discovering "the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone". In this book Mark presents what he calls the "Persuasion Cycle". He argues that all successful communications move through the steps of this cycle, from beginning to end. The stages are:-From resisting to listening-From listening to considering-From considering to willing to do-From willing to do to doing-From doing to glad they did and continuing to doThe book then goes on to introduce rules and techniques that can be leveraged to move people through the different stages of this cycle. Section II of the book details the nine core rules: move yourself from "OH F#@& to OK", rewire yourself to listen, make the other person feel "felt", be more interested than interesting, make people feel valuable, help people to exhale emotionally and mentally, check your dissonance at the door, when all seems lost - bare your neck, steer clear of toxic people.Section III introduces techniques that can utilized to "achieve buy-in and get through": the impossibility question, the magic paradox, the empathy jolt, the reverse play, empathy jolt #2, "do your really believe that", the power of "hmmm...", the stipulation gambit, from transaction to transformation, side by side, fill in the blanks, take it all the way to "no", the power thank you and power apology.The last section, section IV, Mark applies the above learning to successfully navigate through seven challenging situations: the team from hell, climbing the ladder, the narcissist at the table, stranger in town, the human explosion, getting through to yourself, six degrees of separation.What sets this book apart is the breadth in which it covers the topic of listening from the fundamentals to the techniques to the application. This makes it very practical and applicable in any situation one can encounter, whether at work or at home. Mark does an excellent job of enriching the book with his numerous insights and rich experiences. A highly recommended read.Below are some excerpts from the book that I found particularly insightful:1- "When you go from "Oh F#@& to OK," you go from being fixated on the way you are convinced the world should or shouldn't be, but never will be, to being ready to deal with the world the way it is."2- "...The way to truly win friends and influence the best people is to be more interested in listening to them than you are in impressing them."3- "So: how do you master the skill of being interested - and be sincere when you do it? The first key is to stop thinking of conversation as a tennis match. (He scored a point. Now I need to score a point.) Instead, think of it as a detective game, in which your foal is to learn as much about the other person as you can. Go into the conversation knowing that there is something very interesting about the person, and be determined to discover it."4- "Passion is about the vision of the company. People want to believe that they're doing an important job that makes a difference to their customers and clients, and puts a smile on their facts. Enthusiasm is about execution. Even with a great vision, people lose their enthusiasm and fail to accomplish what they're capable of doing if their leaders are dropping the ball. Pride is about vision, but also about ethics, because few people feel proud if their company is doing something dishonest. It's also about doing something meaningful, because as people grow older, leaving the world better than they found it becomes more important."5- "Owning up to your feeling of vulnerability is empowering. It prevents an amygdala hijack that could result in rash decisions and seriously bad life choices. It allows you to exhale, rather than blowing up. Doing the opposite - pretending your're fine when your world is imploding - can be dangerous or even deadly."6- "Invite people to tell you what they think is impossible, and they'll lower their guard to consider what's possible."7- "To Succeed in your career, it's less important what you know or even who you know than who truly knows you and how they know you. - Ivan Misner, Founder, BNI"

I read the book twice and found the tricks offered very well explained with excellent examples of people from all walks of life.There are so many tricks offered, that for similar situations you end up having multiple to chose from. Mark at times points out to use another one if the first did not work. I therefore can see how in the end after reading the book, one may feel overwhelmed or even confused, which of the tricks to use when. It will require probably a lot of practice to use the appropriate trick at the right time.Somebody who's day to day job is to assess people and their state of minds, is exposed to the curse of knowledge and may therefore forget that it took that person years to become an expert psychiatrist and to gather all the practical experience we find in his book. So I will probably start using one or two of the offered tricks at the time and try to get good at them before moving on with the next few.In order to do that I first have to review areas that I feel I need to address within myself most and work the priority list using the tricks accordingly.Trying to use everything at once you will probably get you in some awkward situations. Just count the number of wonderful questions that are offered for different scenarios...So a few a the time. The good news is that you will have enough material to use for a long time.Mark, thank you for sharing so much of your experience with us.

I got this book to deepen my understanding of what "true" listening is about and for techniques to expand my skills. I got a lot more than expected: dealing with highly charged situations, with narcissistic personalities, building trust, networking, team building - and a good dose of self-management.Mark Goulston is generous and wise and an excellent teacher. Approaches and techniques he shares are not just band-aid tricks - they require a good understanding of human nature, a authentic desire for better relationships and the discipline of practice.Highly recommended for coaches.

Dieses Buch ersetzt mindestens 100 Bücher über-Kommunikationstechniken-Vertriebsmethoden-Persönlichkeitsentwicklung-Beziehungsverbesserung-Karriereentwicklung-KrisenmanagementEs ist richtig, richtig, richtig gut. Leicht zu lesen und sehr gut als Arbeitsmittel zu verwenden. Wer nur ein Buch zu den oben genannten Themen kaufen will, sollte dieses nehmen. Man kann und sollte es wieder und wieder lesen.

"Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone," is a very insightful and practical guide to improving our communication skills and building better connections with others.Dr Mark's approach is straightforward and devoid of complex jargon, making it accessible to a wide range of readers whilst emphasizing the importance of active listening and empathy, through setting aside our own agendas and truly engaging with others.Dr Mark's ability to convey his ideas through real-life examples and compelling stories is seriously top notch and these anecdotes not only illustrate the power of effective listening but also serve as reminders of the impact our words and actions can have on those around us! The book will keep you engrossed and eager to apply the lessons immediately (a sign of an excellent book indeed!).Mark presents a variety of techniques throughout the book, each designed to address different communication challenges. PAL is super helpful...and I'm excited for the L evolving into Learning now too ;)

An excellent book for self improvement. An easy reading with many practical ideas and tips. Will definitely improve your inter-personal relationships. Highly recommended.

Excelente libro para aprender o reforzar técnicas de negociación y empatía. Lo recomiendo muchísimo.