Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man: Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom Paperback – October 1, 1993

This book "Living with the Passive Aggressive Man" is excellent. It made me see myself and the interplay with the female was very insightful. I never realize how my behavior would play into the physhic of such a man. He needs a lot of help. Although, I have the personality to deal with it, it can be exhausting. I find myself not sharing thing, because I believe he will find something to get mad about. I'm sick of the angry and the bad behavior it is abusive. He does apologize, but not enough rarely. He doesn't have common manners. He doesn't think anything is wrong with his behavior. He is rude to people and he can never say no directly and lies so much it's funny because the lies are so stupid Stevie Wonder could see through them. I've told him he needs help and he know it but will never get it. He is too old.(56 Sept - 30, 07) His behavior is extreme and he so stotic and no sense of humor. I starting asking where did he come from? My boyfriend is all over this book. I see him in 80% of the examples given. He get angry with me and I don't even know it, then react to the anger and I'm lost and defeated and I still don't know what he was mad at. Negative all the time even when good things happen or 10 good things will be said or done and he will always focus on the negative. Not a very happy man. I would be the Rescue type girlfriend described in the book. Caring and motherly. He can be cold and never want to talk about it and will avoid at all cost. He has issues with control. He can't control his own life it is in shambles it's funny to me to think he would try to control me. The book was most insightful about all of these traits. The Passive Aggressive man is a nightmare. Run Sally Run. The Stubborness is total unreasonable. Everybody tell him he is mean. I know that it is because he is so unhappy with him self he irritate other people with his inappropriate behavior. His self esteem is low but his life is a mess. Misery Loves company and I don't want to be in the company of his misery. The family background was right too. He grew up with out a father, but he was the oldest not the youngest. Communcation with me is deploreable with the boys he good time charlie. Never seems to worry about my well being, but always tells me about his. I didn't realize how selfish he was until reading this book. It is all about him. Run Sally Run.

This book was a game changer for me in my marriage. I was at the point of pulling out my hair trying to understand why I did not have intimacy with my husband. Then one day, I heard my mother-n-law say to me, "Everyday, I fight to maintain my sanity." I knew that then that I had to dig deeper. This book helped me to level-set my life, and examine what it is that I really want in day-to-day living. If this is you: "He won't cooperate." " He's distant." "He won't even commit to a time when we can come together, never mind the day." - then this book is for you.The author provides real examples in layman's terms that are a mirror reflection of some of the things that may be going-on in your life. It is an easy read, and helps in identifying the problem - from home life to work life - and helps you devise strategies to develop solutions that work.I urge both women & men to get this book; understand what is really happening in your life; and make a decision to take control of your destiny.

The most chilling part of reading the reviews for this book is that they all appear to be written by women. So far I haven't read a single one by a man saying, "I really identify with this profile That's totally me. I need to change my life in order to make my life and my partner's life happier."And I'll say that I don't totally believe in psychological profiles. I grew up in Washington State where the Green River Killer was able to get away with a decades long killing spree in part because psychologists at that time were convinced that Gary Ridgeway didn't fit the psychological profile of a serial killer because he was married, and because he had a child etc. He wasn't a "loner type."In other words, so-called psychological profiles have limits. Human beings are always more complex. Yet I've learned a lot from reading this book. Much of what I've learned is summed up here, "to undermine your self worth without taking action himself is a passive-aggressive man's ideal crime of omission."According to this book, this isn't because he's trying to do damage to a woman (although some passive aggressive men may also be psychopathic...I wish this book didn't clump everybody together and instead made more distinctions) but because he's caught in a dilemma of wanting and fearing closeness. What is closeness? Closeness or intimacy means revealing your weaknesses as well as your strengths. And being accepted and accepting the weaknesses of others. He fears that his weaknesses make him unlovable to others so he cannot reveal them. And in not accepting/admitting his own weaknesses, he can't accept yours either.And it isn't just men. Women fear closeness too. We fear/give criticism too. I grew up with a father who fits the profile laid out in this book...He was distant and for the most part unable to express any caring for me. I only realized recently how this pattern also fits the major men in my life. I've been drawn to "nice men," on the outside nice men, but closer up, people who prefer coldness and distance and criticism of me to revealing their own vulnerabilities. I feel an exhausting need to perform rather than an acceptance of the good/bad...etc.The women drawn to passive aggressive men are also more complicated than this book reveals. Yes, there are the tropes about Rescuers, Managers, etc. And to some degree those profiles are revealing. But I also agree with those who say that any woman or man can get caught in this dynamic. When one person grows more passive, to keep the spark between two people alive the other person will often grow more active, trying to preserve what's there. Hence somebody who normally doesn't try to "rescue" might try given this particular kind of situation. And the problem with the passive aggressive dynamic is that it can be like a tar baby. (An apt metaphor the book uses). The more you try to act--to identify it and to root it out--the more you get tangled in it and hurt by it. I've seen my mother's self esteem really crushed by this dynamic over a number of years in her marriage to a man who is physically present but in every other way distant. He retreats, she advances etc.I don't have an answer, and this book's answers are too few and far between. I'm going to try reading further on this topic. In the end, I advise against simply labeling a person as passive aggressive though. This problem is very much a behavior, not a real life human being. Also, I think more men should read this book if they care about improving their own happiness level and the happiness of the people in their lives. They might not like the passive aggressive profile as it emerges, but maybe they will recognize some piece of themselves in it, and develop the potential for change.

This book taught me how to call out the "unexplainable" behavior that is the passive-aggressive. I finally had an explanation and ways to deal with it. It gave me the power to put the insidious behavior in its place. Passive-aggressive behavior is abusive and needs to be addressed.

Stop the crazy-making!!! This book allows you to identify the behaviours , and some of their motivations, in an intimate relationship where one partner is PA, giving you tools to identify who’s really playing mind-games, even unknowingly. It was disconcertingly accurate, but gave me the insight to see, finally, what was happening. Until I read this book I was simply bewildered, not understanding why reactions never seemed like those of a normal person. After I read it I stopped expecting normal, and began to save myself. We are still together, but the playing field has changed. If you think this might be your situation, read this book. If you counsel people, read this book. It will open your eyes to see what is unseen. Too many counsellors are taken in by these “good guys”, leaving the partner subject to an extremely destructive personality style that is never obvious, but no less damaging for being hidden.

This book is amazing! It was the beginning of my healing and being able to slowly let go, because it makes you more aware of the different tactics you weren't aware of before. An amazing read and so helpful.

This is an excellent read and amustfor all those who are syffering from being with a passive aggressive. Unbeknown to you first, living with a PA is crazy-making; they are at first admirable (it's a mask they wear) then slowly cracks appear and LOTS of inconsistencies come out > you start to doubt yourself, nothing makes sense, you question rationale, their behaviour and yours and spend weeks and months pondering if it's you or them > then you somehow stumble upon the phrase PA > you research and Voila! this book gives you a very well researched insight into their psyche and helps you understand why the act the way they do. And also comforts you with the fact that it's not your fault / problem but rather theirs! it's a very sad state being a PA and a miserable experience being at the receiving end of one. I had that experience, for tow years. It consumed me. When i read the book at least I had the comfort that PA is a mental / personality disorder. Somehow I felt sorry for my partener but it did no change things between us nor made it better. My partner became worse depsite my continuous love and support > in the end i mustered the courage to leave. But I did tell my partner of his condition > saly to no avail. You really have to make your own choice whether you wnat to sacrifice your life and make them better or save yourself. I saved myself. I could not stand the lies, cheating, indifference and total apathy that later was the order of the play in the relationship!

Excellent book! Relatable, helpful and validating information. After reading this book, I felt relieved to finally have the vocabulary to articulate what I have been experiencing with the passive-aggressive in my life. This book helped me to feel empowered and inspired to make a change- to regain my confidence and to get my life back.

This is one of the best books I’ve ever read . If your in a relationship doubting yourself and can’t seem to break free from a toxic person this read is a must. I couldn’t recommend it enough .