Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget

Just finished reading this book. I'm giving it 5 stars. Was hesitating – couldn’t make my mind up between 4 and 5. But going with 5! Not that I don't have issues with it or some criticism -- I do -- but still, an amazing book. Will definitely need some more time to fully digest it. I first heard of Sarah Hepola on a replay of an NPR interview with her. I never had a drinking problem (in fact, I had nearly zero alcohol in my entire life and, somehow, the culture of alcohol she describes is something I rarely bumped into up close) and wasn’t particularly interested in the topic. Something about Sarah's in-your-face interviewing style grabbed me and I bought the book.My critique is split into three parts.Part 1: The main bulk of the book. Probably 85-90% of the book. Very very well written. A flabbergasting and brutally honest chronicle of the mechanics of alcoholism and a description of its effects on every bit of her life. Hard to believe anyone in the world would read this and still want to go get drunk. But as Sarah illustrates, alcoholism plays cruel games on your mind, so who knows, some folks may read this and still feel like getting a drink… Hepola's writing style is engaging and quick. Great language skills. On the flip side of this compliment, I would also give my only real critique. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think, at times, Hepola tries a bit too hard to be witty. I felt like salvos of "smart-ass" language (for lack of a better term) were raining down on me. Admittedly, a lot of it -- most of it, actually -- was in fact very witty and entertaining. I just had a nagging sense that she was trying harder than was called for or needed in order to make her point. Her story is so powerful and compelling that I suspect that even had she written it using a 4th grader's vocabulary, it still would have been equally captivating. On the extremely remote chance that Sarah is actually reading this, I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way. Not trying to be mean.Part 2: The few chapters after she quits drinking. These are last few chapters, maybe 10-15% of the book. Like a highly skilled and seasoned journalist/reporter/blogger, Sarah “reported” her life fantastically well up until the point she finally quits drinking. But somehow, at that point in the book, I think Sarah struggled with trying to put together a grand "message to the world". I don’t know if/why she felt her story was not enough on its own. But to me, I felt like I was a tad getting lost in philosophical discussion where it was not really needed. Unlike the rest of the book, here I felt she used way too many words to say something that could have been expressed in a few short paragraphs. Again, not a crime and does not diminish from the overall quality of the work. Just my two cents, but I think those last chapters don't do justice to the rest of the book and the quality of her writing.Part 3: The final part. I’m not even sure Sarah considers this an official part of the book. It’s just a few pages, after the end of the book. Not an epilog. I don't want to spoil this for anyone, so am being a bit vague in order to not give away too much. Basically, Sarah reviews some of the sources inspiration she had for this book and how to write it. Holy s*** --- that was a home run! Reading that was what brought everything together. Suddenly, dozens of things in the book just fell into place and made sense. You know how sometimes you’re listening to the radio. You hear a song and you just KNOW what the next song will be. You have common roots and associations with the musical editor and you are thinking on the same wave length. So this is what I felt reading the end of her book. I suddenly knew EXACTLY where she was inspired and by whom. It was like Spock’s Vulcan Mind Meld. I was inside Sarah’s head and she was in mine. What was just a sense while reading of “who does that remind me of” or “why is this so strangely reminding me of a certain book or movie” – it all became a joyful and brilliant cornucopia of being able to attribute so many things in the book to common sources of inspiration. She managed to do this and still be legit and original! Not one ounce of copying from anyone else, just pure inspiration that must have been infused into her very core over decades. I loved it! It was so powerful. So part 3 was actually incredibly important for me and is what elevated the book back to a 5 for me. My final note on this is that I had never noticed this literary technique used before of specifically listing sources of inspiration the way she had done it. Like almost everything else in the world, I’m assuming it’s been done before (Incidentally, in the book there is probably the best one-liner on earth for these cases – look up the word Zebra and you’ll find it…). If not, and for some reason Sarah is the first to have used such a technique --- then major league kudos!

I can't believe that someone could be so honest about their life as Sarah Hepola is in her memoire to her life with the 'bottle'. Wickedly observant, Hepola has a strong and original voice, something she claims to have sought through the bottle. Fortunately for Sarah, and for those of us who read, she beat back her demons, revealing the lie that alcohol tells us, that like an abusive partner, we are nothing without it. I wish I could write well enough to describe the witty, honest, razor-sharp observations about her life that Sarah(I know I'm supposed to use her last name when writing about her, but after reading her book, I feel like she's a friend)gives us. It's one thing to live through hell, it's another thing to make art out of it like Sarah does.I'm going to quote her, because like Carrie Fisher's book Wishful Drinking, no one can use ordinary words to such amazing affect. "This is true strength. To want what you have, and not what someone else is holding." page 209"Maybe you're one of those lucky fellows who can slurp your whisky all afternoon and never disappear into the drink." page 2 When Sarah talks about her blackouts, she puts the feeling perfectly. "My evenings come with trapdoors." page 2 "Women now empowered by every thing a woman does." page 10 How perfectly put. We women want power so badly that we grasp at bad habits like drinking and smoking as symbols of empowerment, when they are really things that will bring us down.Sarah is reading a questionnaire to see if she's an alcoholic. "Next question: Do you ever drink to get drunk? Good lord. Why else would a person drink? To cure cancer?" page 11"People on the winning team rarely nice that game is rigged." page 144 Sarah has just explained politics in one sentence.And here's one of my favorite lines. "Now I realized what sadistic game drinking played. It built up your confidence at the very moment you were looking your worst." page 191 That one stung. What hasn't either been the one who drank to much and did a karaoke-pole-dance, or watched someone bring out their inner performer-minus the talent after a few shots?And lastly, Sarah gives us the reason so many of us are afraid to quit drinking. "People who quit drinking become terrified they will lose their power. They believe booze make them the people they want to be. A better mother. A better lover. A better friend. Alcohol is one hell of a pitchman, and perhaps the greats lie is convincing us we need him, even as he tears us apart." page 204 No one could have said it better.Thank you Sarah, for you wit and wisdom and courage to quite drinking so I can enjoy your writing for a long time.

This book really hit home for me. I am 1.5 years sober, and it's as if someone was documenting my life as a drinker (28 years). I related in so many ways to her as to why I drank the way I did and how scary it was waking up not knowing where I was, how I got there, and what I said/did the night before. It helped knowing I wasn't the only one as well as gave me a better understanding why I drank the way I did. I've read a few other memoirs pertaining to women's personal journeys into sobriety, and this is by far one of the best (Girl Walks Out of a Bar is also fantastic).

I enjoyed the good sense of humour to tell her story. Also refreshing to hear how someone can be an alcoholic without coming from a broken home or any other previous drama.

Have fallen in love with Sarah Hepola for being so bold in her ink.Recommend to others to read.

Nur stellenweise etwas langatmig und zu persönlich; ist es dennoch ein unglaublich faszinierendes Buch, das eine Menge Gefühle zusammenfasst, die wir sicher alle schon hatten. Guter Stil und dramaturgisch auch okay.

Loved it! Schreibweise ist einfach super. Es wird sehr ehrlich erzählt, von lustigen bemerkungen über traurige erlebnisse bis hin zur selbstironie. Habe ansonsten mit dem thema alkoholismus wenig am hut, aber kann ihre gefühle nachvollziehen da jeder im leben nach zufriedenheit strebt und manchmal schwere zeiten durchlebt. Frau hepola schafft es zu beschreiben wie man solche zeiten durchlebt und überwindet ohne nach perfektion zu streben. Bezüglich Sprache: auch als Nicht-Native-Speaker gut lesbar.

Still reading it