How To Argue So Your Spouse Will Listen: 6 Principles for Turning Arguments into Conversations

I just finished reading this book, and I feel I'm a better person for having read it. I'm looking forward to putting the ideas presented into practice. I'm sure it'll make my relationship with my spouse better. At the very least, I will be a better person.I have to admit, I almost didn't buy the book because of the title. I mean, isn't the point not to argue? I didn't want to read a book about arguing techniques that "manipulate" your spouse into listening. Well, I was happy to find out that isn't at ALL what this book is about. If you're not familiar with EFT (emotionally focused therapy), and I wasn't before I read this book, here's what it's about -- and these are the 6 steps listed in the book.1. Create a Safe Place2. Soften Reactions and Comfort Dragons3. Talk, Listen, and Understand4. Complain Constructively5. Make Amends6. Reconnect and Enjoy Each OtherNow that doesn't sound like it's all about arguing, does it?For me, the parts about creating a safe place and softening reactions were most helpful. They were enlightening! I found so many examples in my life where my wife was wanting a safe place, and I was (unknowingly) not creating opportunity for her. Those couple chapters alone made the book worthwhile.I believe this book would be helpful for people of all ages, as well as people in all situations -- newlyweds, those engaged, and even those who have had many years of happy marriage.

The book, although simple, delivered good ground work ideas for improving how to argue. I appreciated the idea that arguing is normal with all couples, but the way it happens is what makes the difference. This book did as much as I think a book could, if you aren't additionally going to in-person therapy. What I really didn't appreciate what the religious overtones, totally unnecessary. At the end of the book it even goes on to say that if you haven't found God, you should. I don't see how being religious is a prerequisite to having a good marriage. Really made it hard to take the other parts of the book seriously.

A great read for everyone. Even if you’re not married. A lot of insight into how you or someone else might be feeling about a disagreement and why.

Basic but good information. Most helpful if both people read and apply it. Could be used to start good discussions. Appreciate the quietly Christian perspective.

This book should have the title I have given this review, because that is exactly what it does. The author teaches us that reason we fight in the first place is because we still love each other and are trying to tell the other one, "I want more of you."We have been teaching this class to other couples at our church, and the results have been astounding. It is amazing to see how couples of all ages can change almost overnight, once they know that it is "love" and not hate that is causing the arguments.This book should be required reading for every couple, before they marry because it would save years of misunderstanding and strife.

Highly recommended by licensed marriage and family therapist.

This was recommended to us by my Christian therapist. So far, I've read some practical insights that we hope will help my husband and I.

My husband and I went through this and answered the questions. It's good insight and helps with communication, understanding each other and why the arguments are really happening. I have bought copies for other married couple we know.